The Barbeardian

Now that the week is finally over, I think we all deserve to kick back and watch something ridiculous. This gem comes to us from a 1987 action masterpiece Hard Ticket to Hawaii. Not that I have to go into the plot, but it's apparently about a couple of "agents" who work for "The Agency" that are fighting some drug lord over a bag of diamonds? Not exactly sure why, but whatever. And also there is a killer snake that has been turned into a monster with toxic waste. No bullshit there, it is in all seriousness an actual side plot. Toxic Waste Snake.

All of that might be crazy enough, but it's a scene that comes about three-quarters into the movie seemingly out of nowhere that really ramps up the nutso factor.

Out of context to be sure. But where in the movie, in ANY movie, would this make sense or move the plot along. There are just so many questions I have. Is the term "thrower" really used to denote a Frisbee user? Outside of this movie, I mean. I've certainly never heard it anywhere else, but I guess maybe I'm going to the wrong Frisbee hangouts. How would this guy know to carry around a bladed Frisbee? Did the guy show up in some sort of a Carmen Sandiego "henchman database" and besides blonde and tall it described him as "thrower"?

Then there's the whole moment around 40 seconds in where he's like, "Hold on, I need to put down my Uzi on this Ninja Turtles beach towel before I throw with you, bro." and proceeds to show off his "hot moves" which consist of a straight shot and (twice in a row) that under the leg thing everyone that thought they were hot shit would do at recess.

And another thing, (I'm already giving this movie more time than it deserves, but bear with me here) you're gonna shout the threat, "Let's see if you can catch this," then throw him a sort of speedy straight shot? Not even that move where you bounce it off the pavement and it pops up? Sure, I guess they're on sand so he couldn't even do that (sweet) move anyway, but we're flexing nuts over a Frisbee toss at twelve paces?

I know I'm digging way too deeply into a movie which doesn't deserve it, over an out of context Frisbee fight. But it baffles me that stuff like this gets funding, even today. Maybe the 80's were a just different time, and America needed this.

That's enough fighting for this week, Barbeardians. Stay tuned for the podcast this Sunday, and keep those emails coming. barbeardian (at) gmail.com