The Barbeardian

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Do you ever find yourself driving down the highway and you end up in a part of town that is full of motels like Super 8 or Quality Inn? Maybe near the airport or a water park or something? And as you're driving, over the horizon you see a huge, sun-blocking American flag. Not your normal sized one, but one of those giant ones they only seem to save for pulling out on the field during the Super Bowl halftime show.


I've seen a handful of these scattered about. Like I said, mostly near hotel clusters by the highway. But sometimes I've even seen them in the middle of town at a restaurant or something. I don't mind having a flag, but something that big doesn't seem anything more than a gaudy use of the flag for advertisement.

"Ooh, honey, look at that huge flag. It sure is easy to see from the highway. Let's stay there."

or

"You want me to meet you at Perkins? Where's is it? Yeah, I see that huge flag 5 miles down the road. There? Okay, see you in a bit."

It just seems to me that it's a way to work around red tape. It's probably too dangerous for an AmericInn to to have a sign that high and large, due to wind or whathaveyou. So the city planners put in an ordinance to restrict signs to a certain height and dimension.

Then some asshole thought, "Hey, I'll just get a big fucking flag and wave that motherfucker for every eye to see. But, I can't use my company logo, that would be crass. How about the American flag! That's it - everyone loves America! Then I'll put my sign underneath it. It will be like a glorious beacon, drawing in every red, white, and blue blooded patriot to give me their green. Fuck Motel 6 and their pussy neon sign. Capitalism is my right and I'll use the biggest flag allowable by law to crush everyone else."

Fuck you, Holiday Inn. You can see this baby from space.

To me, it doesn't say the business is patriotic. It says that they're using an easily identifiable symbol to fake patriotism and get free eyes on their business. Which, I guess, IS pretty American. Maybe that's the problem.

Using the flag as free advertisement, of any sort, seems to go against its very intent in the first place. And I don't just mean advertising a business. People use it to advertise themselves all the time, politicians especially. The worst offense is clothing actually MADE of the flag.

"Look how fucking much I love America.
I'm gonna sweat all over this polyester flag running suit.
Fuck Russia. I bet those Pinkos don't even have polyester over there."

I stole that above image from a website called "flagclothes.com" The fact alone that there is a website (one of many, google tells me) that exclusively sells clothes that are made of the flag is unnerving. If you and your wife have to advertise how much you love America by wearing matching denim American flag polo shirts to the mall, I think we're doing something wrong as a nation. We should show how much we love this country through serving the best needs of the people, not by wearing this shit:

That isn't patriotism, that's jingoism.

Maybe that's my whole problem to begin with - the idea of flag worship. Full disclosure here, I don't say the Pledge of Allegiance. Not for any "under God" bullshit reasons either. I just don't think it's right to promise undying veneration to a piece of cloth that has changed and will change many times. Pledge allegiance to an idea? Sure. To a constitution? Great. But not to a symbol or an object. That's idolatry, brother. And it goes against the very thing the flag stands for - the right to dissent and to stand against oppressors. The Pledge teaches us that no matter what, we will unwaveringly follow those who hold it, even if they are working against the nation it represents. President Obama has been called a traitor when he doesn't wear a flag pin, and a hypocrite when he does wear one. Whether you agree with him politically or not, I think his attitude in this regard is right on. In response to his critics President Obama rebutted, "My patriotism should speak for itself...My attitude is that I'm less concerned about what you're wearing on your lapel than what's in your heart."

I display the flag, but not to show others how patriotic I am. But to show how proud I am of a nation that lets me speak out against it, or even burn the very flag I hang if I so choose. That's the reason to hang the flag. Not to advertise that "Kids eat free on Tuesdays" or that "Stay 2 Nights - Get 3rd Free." And especially not to print on overalls and boxer shorts.