The Halloween Series (1978-2002)

Last week, I took the liberty of watching every Halloween movie ever made (not including Season of the Witch and the Rob Zombie ones) because, y'know, why the hell not? It was an odd experience, to say the least. There were eight in the original series, spanning from 1978 to 2002, with mostly different writers and directors making each movie. When you watch them all together, you start to realize that only one person really cared about the series as a whole. It wasn't John Carpenter. It certainly wasn't Jamie Lee Curtis, who accepted a small role in the final film only so the producer would stop asking her to appear in the sequels.

It was Donald Pleasence.

Let's do this if we're gonna do this. And why not? After starting the week with Keith David and John Carpenter, we should finish the week the same way. Today at the Barbeardian, we bring you one of the baddest fights ever filmed.

If you've been anywhere near a newsstand or a television lately, you've probably at least heard of Baby Lisa. Being from Kansas City, we here at The Barbeardian have been hearing about this since it happened, weeks before it went mainstream.

For those of you who are somehow unaware, Lisa Irwin is a 10-month-old infant who went missing on the early morning of October 4th. At first, everyone in the news media were calling it a kidnapping, but have not yet ruled out the possibility of infanticide. Lisa's specific details, however tragic, aren't necessary to the point I'm trying to make.

The Weekly Barbeardian: 10/23/11

Even with a slow week Ian and Patrick were still able to drag out a conversation about burlesque shows, horror movies, and Halloween costumes. And finally an update about the safe that will never be opened.

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Bacon Jerky

News Sources
Man Finds Hidden Safe - Vows to Open It
Ohio sheriff: No regrets on killing exotic animals
NY Man Sells Prescription Drugs Out Of His Ice-Cream Truck

 

The Thing (1982)

The Thing.

The goddamned Thing.

The Thing is a lot of things. It can be anything, really. It can be your dog. It can be your wife. It can even be you.

 

Martin Blank is a hitman at his ten year high school reunion, trying to win back the girl he jilted on prom night and kill one last target before he hangs his hat for good. The FBI is onto him, Dan Aykroyd's fucking up all his plans, and a millionaire psychopath is trying to get even over an incident from years earlier.

Grosse Pointe Blank, my fellow barbeardians, is a manly, badass movie.

You could say it's a romantic comedy. You could say it's an action movie. Whatever it is, it's one of my all-time favorites.

My Fists of Friday pick of the week is a scene in which Martin heads back to his old locker to rekindle some nostalgia, only to be interrupted by the psychopath I mentioned earlier. Martin knows it's either him or the other guy, and it's a fight to the death as Mirror in the Bathroom by The Beat (the entire soundtrack is 80's hits) fades up from the reunion dance floor.

 

I wouldn't call myself an angry person. Sure, I'm biased, but I'm pretty happy with life overall. This means I don't complain a whole lot. After all, a person like myself really shouldn't. You know what I do hate, though? You know what I've been itching to complain about for years?

People that complain.

The Weekly Barbeardian: 10/16/11

Ian and Patrick are back after a brief hiatus, discussing things like real-life superheroes, missing children, and condiments.

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We're Back: A Barbeardian's Story

Hey there, true believers!

After taking some time off to rework some things and streamline this ol' website here, we're back down to business.